Ok, Search for a Star in a Million did not push thru.. we realized that going there unprepared will bring us shame..as in SHAME! Hey there's always a next time right?
Was talking to 1021 since 9 am. He said I forgot something. Am wondering what I forgot since I have yet to remember forgetting something. Then he told me it was our 3rd Month Anniversarry. IDIOT! Our mothsarry was yesterday! (Ok this is the part where I say sorry to him coz I said idiot, which is obviously describing him. MUCH SORRY BABY) Anyways I told him that it WAS yesterday and not today, he said his calendar said it was only 20 yesterday and he hought TODAY was 21. He sounded really happy though, he said we've been together for 3 months already.
I'm happy, but a lil sad and mad too.
Why?
You may say that i'm very insensitive but I am..how shall I put this..hhmmm..a/the 3rd party of a relationship. Yes that's what I am. I'm not proud of my situation. I'm not proud to be a Kabit. But I am proud to say that I am strong enough to admit this to myself. Atleast i'm not trying to be somebody that i'm not. I'm the 3rd party not the girlfriend and I know where I stand in the relationship. I may be a bitch to the eyes of other people, to those who do not know who I really am. But to those who do know me do not judge me because of what I am in his life right now. They know why i'm holding on though I should let go. I know I SHOULD let go, but I also know why I SHOULDN'T.
I SHOULD LET GO BECAUSE HE IS IN A RELATIONSHIP.
I SHOULD HOLD ON SIMPLY BECAUSE I LOVE HIM.
A shallow answer but also deep. You are not me so you can't tell me you've been thru this predicament. I do not feel the same as you and you don't feel the same way as I do. It's up to you to judge me.
11:08 PM